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Unwanted Singleness

Unwanted singleness is the long sorrow of desiring marriage and remaining unmarried. Some have hoped for years and never married; others are single again after a divorce, a husband's or wife's death, or a broken engagement. Friends marry and have children, family and church ask when your turn will come, and holidays may be spent alone. The longing for a husband or wife, and often for children, can grow sharper with the years.

6 Phases Through Unwanted Singleness

6 clear phases, each written for unwanted singleness.

  1. C · Consider the Truth

    Two Good Gifts, and Your Place in God's House

    To see your unwanted singleness as God defines it, with the longing for marriage and the loneliness that have come with it. Your single life is not in itself evidence of God's displeasure or of hidden sin; it is not a lack you must fix; and being married does not make anyone a better Christian. God designed marriage and blesses it, and He also commends the unmarried life to His people. Considering the truth begins when you let His Word, rather than the questions of others or your own conclusions, tell you what your life is. Christ took on real human nature and knew the full force of temptation without sinning, so the Savior you come to will help you when you are tempted.

  2. H · Humble Your Heart

    Lamenting a Longing That Has Not Been Answered

    To help you bring the sorrow of unwanted singleness to God in lament: the longing for a husband or wife, and often for children, and the loneliness the years have brought. Longing for marriage is not sin, and grief at a friend's wedding is not ingratitude toward God. Holidays spent alone, questions at family gatherings, a church life built around couples, and prayers that seem unanswered can all add to the weight. Humbling your heart means telling God all of it, using the laments of Scripture, without pretending the longing is small. In the days of His earthly life Jesus Himself wept and pleaded with His Father, so you may bring your tears to God through Him instead of hiding them or hardening your heart.

  3. A · Acknowledge and Confess

    Owning Your Own Responses to a Long Singleness

    When grieving unto the Lord, you laid every desire for marriage before Him and told Him of the hard days. Confession acknowledges the sinful and unbelieving responses to unwanted singleness, never the longing, the loneliness, the grief, or what another person did. Where the heart has answered with sin, pride has charged God with keeping back what is good. Pride then makes the good desire for a husband or wife a demand that marriage must come, and soon, and sets up idols to secure it: a future spouse, your own grip on the outcome, or escapes. From there may come grumbling, envy, bitterness, self-pity, withdrawal from God's people, and desire welcomed and fed, and, if your own sin helped end a past engagement or marriage, that sin as well. Christ loved His church to the point of death, and His death in your place, not the patience of your waiting, is the reason you are forgiven.

  4. N · Nourish Your Soul

    Seeking Your Joy in Christ, Not in a Future Spouse

    To help you receive God's comfort as an unmarried believer, and to turn from any idol your heart has set up in the waiting. The longing may not leave, yet God meets you in it with Himself. Nourishing your soul means feeding on His Word until the LORD Himself is the one you look to for what you hoped a husband or wife would give. Christ has shown His own the greatest love, His Spirit leads them against the desires of the flesh, and every member of His body shares in another's joy. Every earthly marriage points beyond itself to Christ's love for His people, and belonging to Him is a deeper joy than any wedding on earth could bring.

  5. G · Grow in Wisdom

    Living the Single Life Wisely before the Lord

    To help you humbly accept the life God has given you while you remain unmarried. Acceptance does not mean calling the loneliness good, ceasing to pray for a husband or wife, or deciding that you will never marry. Acceptance takes up the life in front of you today and serves God in it, without waiting for a wedding before you obey. Growing in wisdom means giving your present freedom to the Lord, seeking counsel before you pursue anyone, settling now that you will marry only one who belongs to Christ, and honoring Him in your body. The world counted Christ's death foolish, yet by that death He bought you for Himself, and this purchase now teaches you how to live in your body for Him.

  6. E · Endure in Righteousness

    Committing Your Single Life to the Lord Day by Day

    To help you deliberately commit yourself and your single life to God, and to keep doing good while the longing remains. Commitment is the inward decision to give God your whole heart and to entrust your future, with the question of marriage, to Him, without first demanding His answer. Commitment is not resignation, and it is not a vow never to marry. The long years tempt you to grow cold toward God, to drift from His people, or to give way to desires you once refused. Enduring in righteousness means loving your brothers and sisters, opening your home, answering hard questions with grace, praying on, and seeking your inheritance in the LORD. Christ has bound Himself to His church and will present her to Himself in splendor, so each day you endure, you rest on a Bridegroom who does not let go of His bride.

One Step, as the App Gives It

One assignment from the first phase on unwanted singleness, as the app gives it.

From Change Pathways · Unwanted Singleness

Phase C · Consider the Truth

Two Good Gifts, and Your Place in God's House

Genesis 2:18
The LORD God also said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make for him a suitable helper.”

Think it through

Genesis 2:18 shows the LORD God resolving to make “a suitable helper” for the man He had formed. What does it tell you about your desire for marriage that marriage was God’s own plan from the beginning?

This week

Write Down What God Made Good: Read Genesis 2:18 and verses 21–24, which tell how God made the first marriage. Write three sentences about marriage as God’s gift and one about your own desire for it. Add a fifth sentence saying that in Christ you are not incomplete before God, married or not. Read all five to God in prayer this week.

In the app, you write your answer and what you did here, and they stay private to you.

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What It Is, and What It Isn’t

Change Pathways is biblical help and a clear process. It isn’t a cure, and it doesn’t replace your church, your pastor, a counselor, or a doctor. It works best alongside them.

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